Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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