How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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