It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
