She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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