Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
