I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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