Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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