My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
