you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
