He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
