we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize