I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
