My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
