when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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