Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
