.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
time to smoke my breakfast
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
