My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
