If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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