You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
