Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
