Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
