i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
