the new term for farting is butt boxing.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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