apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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