i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
