Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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