Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Randomize
