We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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