u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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