So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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