I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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