we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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