We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize