It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
