He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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