The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
