this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
