their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
