New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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