Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
