Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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