If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
