just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
