hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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