I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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