and you said cock pushups were impossible
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
