I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
