I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
