my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This girl is more easily done than said...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
