i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
