my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
