you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
