Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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