Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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