let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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