We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
