Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
