Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
