I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
