i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
