I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
