Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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