someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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