So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
