The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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