i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
