Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
