I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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