Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
