She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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