its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
