he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
