Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
