I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
