my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
