In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
